Talking to Strangers
For most people it isn’t too
difficult to say kind and useful things to people, often times it can be a
little more difficult to be completely and totally truthful, especially if it
is truthful about something that bothers you.
I knew going into this that it could be very two-sided: easy and
hard. I decided that the perfect time to
observe my communication with people would be when I traveled up to Syracuse on
Friday, and the communication I had with people once I got up there.
When you
have to think about what you’re saying to people, and how you’re saying it,
often times you second-guess what comes into your head before it comes out of
your mouth. Self-observation definitely
makes you more aware of your reactions towards people. This weekend I got to self-observe myself
interacting with people that I did not know personally. My first encounter was at New York Penn
Station, when my friend Val and I were waiting for our train to arrive. We were standing against a wall and
practicing a style of dance called tutting, which is all arm movements and
keeping them at a ninety-degree angle. I
had seen this guy watching us and shortly after he began to approach. I have always been nervous when a random
person approaches me, even if they are the nicest person in the world I always
put my guard up, but I knew this would be a good way to see how I communicate
with someone. “I was sitting over there
watching you guys and I have just got to know what you are doing cause it seems
pretty cool.” I immediately got a good
vibe from this guy and this, I noticed, is what determined the way I
communicated with him. I told him what
we were doing and he was eager to learn a piece of it; so of course I taught
him! He didn’t have it perfect but he
had the basis of it and I told him I was truly impressed with how quickly he
picked it up. He then proceeded to tell
us that his mission was to “spread the funk to the world” by teaching people
how to play guitar and other instruments.
As we said our good-byes and headed towards the train I couldn’t stop
smiling at the situation that Val and I had just encountered; that guy was so
nice and we didn’t even know him! What I
became aware of is my reaction and kindness towards people based on the vibes
that I receive from them (which I would say is pretty standard for most
people). I am immediately open and
friendly if I feel good vibes, and definitely quieter if I’m not sensing
anything good. Never do I ever become
rude towards someone if I don’t get a good feel from him or her, I just keep to
myself.
My second
opportunity to observe my communication with people was when I got up to
Syracuse. Having been on trains for most
of my day you could say I was WAY beyond antsy and frustrated. Our train status kept being pushed back later
and later until I was pacing the aisles and even perching on the arm of my
seat. When we finally got to the train
station I was completely worn out and I can honestly say I was a little grumpy
with a side of loopiness. Tiredness does
some crazy stuff to me. So when my
friend Will met us at the train station I said “I’m gonna be honest with you
buddy, I’m in a mood right now. I need a
nap ASAP.” After getting a thirty-minute
nap we got ready to go out and then go meet up with his friends. I had met his friends before but only over
video chat and they seemed very nice and they were super excited to meet me and
vice versa! I was nervous though for one
reason: I knew that one of his friends tended to say some racial things when he
was under the influence of alcohol, and my friend Val is black. She looked at him before we went out and in a
joking, but not so joking, voice asked him if they were going to have a problem
at all that night. He said no and then
said well I’m not sure; this is where my truthfulness came out. I whipped around and in a joking but clearly
non-joking way as well I said “Well lets be sure then because I’m not having
any of that shit tonight.” It was in a
joking way of course but I think he knew that I was also serious about it. Val has become one of my best friends since I
have gotten here and even though she can clearly defend herself, I wasn’t going
to take it either. I didn’t want him to
think I was being mean but it was important that he knew that now there was
someone around who could really take things like that to heart and he needed to
be careful. The next three days went
really well and we had tons of fun with no problems! What I did learn though was that when I
observed myself, I observed others as well.
Val wasn’t a huge fan of one of the girls that hung out with us, and
although at some points I wasn’t either, I was always pleasant to her. If she said rather dopey things I would
always keep my thoughts and facial expressions to myself (which took some
discipline). But Val couldn’t handle
it. I could see at dinner one night that
every time she talked to that girl she always had a harsh tone of voice and I
could tell it bothered the girl. So, I
approached Val about it that night, telling her that even though she doesn’t
like the girl, we are guests at this school and she just needs to deal with it
for the next few days.
Overall, I
noticed that self-observation definitely helped me discover the way I
communicate with people I don’t know well, as well as helped me realize how
others communicate. When it comes to
being truthful even with people I may not know it’s important that I express
how I feel but in a positive light as to not upset or offend anyone. It was easier to tell my friend the truth
because we are always very truthful with each other and I knew she needed to
know. Self-observation is definitely a
different feeling but it’s pretty interesting.
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