I was convinced for a whole of thirty seconds that I should try to write this paper using song titles and song lyrics. Pop culture references or better yet, Gilmore Girls’ quotes, would have been even more fun to use, albeit slightly impractical and probably difficult.
I had actually intended to write this paper about how self conscious my day of self-observation had made me or how I find I like to rant to anyone who talks to me. However, as I sit here at 4:39 in the morning, I feel that writing about those things wouldn’t appropriately capture the new feeling or hope that I now have.
Apparently all major self discoveries for me happen in the middle of the night whilst listening to (currently, Glee Cast covers of) songs like "Mean" by Taylor Swift, "Everytime" by Britney Spears, "Chasing Pavements" by Adele, and "Roots Before Branches" by Room For Two (They are all very good songs, if I may say so myself).
I must admit that it isn’t just the music that is driving this new found zeal for overly enthusiastic writing. I have to credit a web series that I found (and watched all of) tonight. It is called Dating Rules from My Future Self. Personally, I would love to get dating rules from my future self; I have no doubt that they would help me with my current love life. That really isn’t the point of this paper though. There was, however, a line that resonated with me, and I would like to communicate it (You see what I did there?) to you now: “Right now is the best moment of your life.” It is a very simple idea, yet it seems so profound to me (and I don’t think it is just because I am tiptoeing on the brink of delusion from lack of sleep).
What I noticed about my day of self observation was that not once during the day, did I appreciate the fact that I was able to communicate with other people. I did, however, notice the numerous amounts of times that I ranted to someone.
The word ‘ranted’ just has a negative connotation. According the the lovely dictionary widget on my Mac, to rant means to “speak or shout at length in a wild, impassioned way.” Now I am going to go through the definition and see which parts I actually accomplished: I did speak, didn’t shout though. I do wonder what ‘at length’ means. Does five minutes count? I am not sure. Next part says ‘in a wild,’ but I don’t know how wild I truly was. I do think I was impassioned though. I tend to have a lot of feeling behind my rants, and that is, in essence, why they are rants. I didn’t use the word conversation or dialogue after all (Those are all the synonyms for talking to someone that I have at this time of day); I said rant.
Maybe, if I didn’t actually rant per say, I just did a lot of talking.
I commentate on lots of things that are going on around me (Did you notice the parentheses throughout the paper? I rest my case). I think I am mostly sarcastic, sometimes witty, ideally not boring, and potentially informative.
Maybe my need to talk stems from the fact that I don’t really like awkward silences (Don’t get me wrong, silence can be nice, but not for a whole ten minutes after a professor asks a question (often in various formats), trying to get some kind of response from the class). Did you ever notice how people pull out their phones to cover up awkward moments? I’ll be the first to admit it: I have definitely done that.
In this case, not having technology for an hour did nothing to curb the fact that I just talk a lot, and I luckily avoided any awkward situations. I didn’t think going without my phone would be too difficult (though I thought the lack of music would be the end of me. Kidding. Possibly). I actually kept my phone off for the rest of the day, and I felt oddly liberated. During the summer, when I would leave the house, I wanted to leave my cell phone at home, but my parents insisted that I take it, so that if they needed to reach me, they could. It is logical and probably one of the biggest reasons that I always have my cell phone (the other is it has music on it). My question is: do the practical purposes of having a cell phone outweigh the fact that Americans seem increasingly addicted to technology? That question could be answered in a dissertation or (perhaps more realistically) a term paper. Regardless of the answer, for me personally, that idea does nothing to allay my need to comment and share my thoughts.
As cheery as I seem right now though with all of my comments (that awkward moment where people don’t think your paper sounds cheery at all), I feel the need to re-mention that I did use the word ‘rant’. The conversations (nicer word) that I had with people were a lot of complaining and negative comments, things I was not happy about at that moment. While I do feel it is necessary to get things off of your chest, I acknowledge that I really need to be positive a lot more.
Honestly, if right now is the best moment of my life (and I would sure hope each day is), then I want to take stock of that fact and enjoy the day for everything it has to offer. While I won’t cut out my (obnoxiously large amounts of) comments, I hope that I can start to integrate this idea into them: the fact that right now, this is the best moment of my life.
Just think about it. Right now is the best moment of your life. How does that feel? My old response would have been something akin to (whilst scowling or rolling my eyes), “Hahaha(hahahahaha), no.” But now? I’m not 100% sure. All I can really say is that a smile is now involved.